The success of every marriage depends on many factors which are tied to inherent behaviours of the couples involved in the marriage and what influence they permit or allow to interface with their marriages consciously or subconsciously. Marriages all over the world are not perfect, the only perfect things in marriage are the fruits of marriage, the children; no matter how bitter any marriage turn out to be later on, both parents still have a great degree of love for the kids they have had together, this accounts for the high and prevalent level of custody cases.
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There are 3 marriage connections which denotes how couples either singularly or collectively influence decisions or behaviours in their marriages which may be detrimental or of benefit to unity of the marriage.
1. The Family Connection
This is specific to couples whose parents are still living and who have siblings either younger or elder siblings. There is somehow a bound within the family such that either of the couples find it difficult to totally trust the husband or the wife on sundry matters. To this type of couple, his/her immediate family is number one and the marriage comes second but this might not mean that such couple do not cherish the partner but just that the couple hold his/her immediate family in high esteem.
The Family Connection is a clear situation where the couple immediate family, be it the parents or siblings is top on the decision tree in critical and major matters of the marriage. Such couple see the marriage as just an association, so to speak and do not have complete trust on the judgement of the husband or wife even after a collective agreement has been reached by them both. The family connected couple will still go ahead and consult the immediate family for clarification and if contrary opinion surfaces, the initial agreement would thereafter amount to futility.
In the Family Connection status, secrets are taken from the marriage and lodged with the immediate family but no secret from the immediate family are ever revealed by the husband to the wife or by the wife to the husband as the case may be.
2. The Friends Connection
This may be but not limited to a situation where couples are orphaned. It may mean that such couple never had a worthwhile home association with parents, perhaps they never had the privilege of having parental guidance owing one factor or the other. On the other hand it may mean that they had friends at their early lives which became so much reliable and trustworthy in such a way that strong bonds became inevitable. This circle of friends also include ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends who they had had intimate relationship with prior to marriage and where such relationships were still open after marriage.
These couples have no immediate family or has no trust in them and therefore place close friends on top of the decision tree. they also do not have complete confidence in the marriage irrespective of whether they are happily married or not happily married. All matters of significance that the couple is not cleared with, he/she will table before friends and whatever decision that was reached will thereafter form his/her position on such issue. The friends connection is somehow found in people who are either socialite, celebrities or people in high places either financially or academically and as such see their parents or partner as no match in decision making ability.
In the Friends Connection status, secrets are taken from the marriage and lodged with close friends but no secret from the opposites are ever revealed by the husband to the wife or by the wife to the husband as the case may be.
3. The Marriage Connection
The Marriage Connection is the ideal situation that is expected of every marriage, a marriage is meant to be a single unit by association with the strength and purpose of pure unity, though this has become very rare in the modern day world. Couples are supposed to be an inseparable pair; ‘a man shall leave his family and shall be united to his wife to become one flesh’ is a quote from the Christian Bible. All other cultures and religion do not also see marriage differently other than a union of flesh, blood, spirit and soul which should be preserved as such and always.
The one and only source of trust and confidence is in the marriage itself, the couples are fortified with understanding and have great trust in each other. They see the marriage as the alter of unity where every issue of their marriage must be presented; even where there are grown ups and adult children of the marriage, matters still remain tied and concentrated only within the parents circle and out of ear shots of their children. To the Marriage Connection, the couples’ parents and their friends are no where in the decision tree rather the couples operate independently.
In the Marriage Connection status, secrets are never taken from the marriage and lodged with the immediate family or friends; the wife and husband conceal every classified marriage issue and deal with it themselves.